Orange Juice with Vanilla!

As transcribed by Rebecca Blakley

My boyfriend invented this a while ago and ever since has walked a little more like a cowboy.

The recipe is: Add one capful of vanilla extract to one container of orange juice and mix it up.

He says it makes the orange juice taste “smooth”. Whenever we have guests over he hurriedly assembles a batch and then presses a glass upon each person in turn, saying things like “Try it, it's awesome” or “You’ll want the recipe” or “Can you taste the smoothness?”

Most people quietly finish the portion ascribed them, but no one ever asks for a second glass.

I however, am not nervous about voicing my dissent. “Stop doing this to all of our orange juice!” I say, “Can’t we have orange juice that just tastes like oranges?”

After a recent day of disturbingly long discussion my boyfriend finally agreed, with the infuriating air of an often-kicked puppy, to leave the orange juice un-vanilla-ed, but since then has begun sneaking into the kitchen and doing it while I sleep. I haven’t caught him yet, but I know he does it. I have a fully functioning set of taste buds, after all. He says, “You’re just paranoid”, and “I wouldn’t lie to you about orange juice”, with this weird little smile that gives it all away. I have started waking up several times during the night in an attempt to catch him in the act. I will eventually succeed. So, STOP IT SCOTT! YOU CAN’T FOOL ME!